You knew it was coming! First there was the ‘Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us’ movement, which started as a joke, now has millions of people signed up for it and has generated responses (serious ones!) from the Air Force and Area 51 guy Bob Lazar. Then came the imitation wanna-bes. ‘Storm The Bermuda Triangle, It Can’t Swallow All Of Us’ is organizing boaters and divers to enter the vast Bermuda Triangle and risk sinking, alien abduction, disappearing or worse in the name of “weed and a lot of beer and whiskey.” Thousands have signed up for that one, so you knew it was only a matter of time before other paranormal hotspots got their own stormin’. Introducing ‘“Storm Loch Ness – Nessie can’t hide from us all’ – yet another joke-ish yet serious movement to man Nessie floaties out into the frigid waters to peer, bail, fish, dice, call for and otherwise attempt to do what lesser numbers of people have not – bring the Loch Ness monster to the surface in front of a multitude of witnesses who are hopefully sober enough to take a selfie. It has to be legitimate … there’s already been an official warning!
“The time is now for us to find that big boi.”
The BBC reports that over 18,000 have responded on Facebook that they’re attending and over 38,000 more are interested. That page and the project were set just days ago by earlier by on Brian Richards, who the Press and Journal identifies as a Riverside, California, resident who is believed to be “an alien conspiracy theorist.” Does that make his storming movement more or less believable? What about his spelling of ‘boi’?
That’s not it.
“Are you ready for the 3am dive into Loch Ness to catch Nessie unawares while she’s sleeping?”
The event is scheduled to take place on Saturday September 21st at Loch Ness Fort Augustus, which is at the far south-west end of Loch Ness and about 18 miles from Urquhart Castle where many of the alleged sightings have taken place. Does Richards have some inside information on the true location of Nessie or is that just the best place to get a hotel room in late September?
“With no US Army involved, Loch Ness looks a little less hazardous than storming Area 51, but here we have our own set of problems. Our Atlantic 85 lifeboat has an impressive survivor-carrying capacity, but even that will be stretched by the ‘attendees’ of this event.”
A spokesperson for the Royal National Lifeboat Institution (RNLI), the volunteer organization that does an outstanding job of equipping and crewing lifeboats and performing water rescues throughout the UK, warns that their boat is no ocean liner and can’t dozens, let alone thousands, of potentially drunken Loch Ness stormers on floaties or doing whatever else they might try to bring Nessie to the surface.
“The Loch is 230m deep – that’s nearly two and a half times the height of Big Ben. The water temperature is cold!! In fact, an average of 6 degrees centigrade all year round, meaning cold water shock and hypothermia are real dangers. Weather conditions and water state can deteriorate rapidly, going from flat calm to a large swell in minutes. There are very few areas on the shoreline where it is possible to make it up to a road. Waves are wind generated rather than tidal, so they behave differently to how users might expect. Its fresh water is less buoyant than salt, meaning more effort is required to float/swim.”
While those warnings may stop some, others are already figuring out out a way to storm without drowning.
“Everyone bring buckets! We will bail the lake.”
You can’t bail Loch Ness without your official Nessie ladle.
While that suggestion is safer, it obviously won’t work or it would have been tried before. This sounds like a futile – albeit less deadly – version of the Area 51 and Bermuda Triangle stormings. What next… ‘Storm the Pyramids, Those Mummies Are Slow Runners’? ‘Storm Hell, Satan is Pretty Busy in Washington Right Now’?
Who’s ready for some stormin’?
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