Mysterious News Briefly — July 23, 2021
Former Rep. Denver Riggleman (R-VA), who is forever linked to Bigfoot erotica but is now investigating conspiracy theories, may soon join the select committee to investigate the Jan. 6 attack on Congress. Please subpoena Bigfoot … please, please, please!
NASA-funded researchers have mapped the interior of Mars using seismic data collected by the agency’s Mars InSight lander and report it has a massive molten core which takes up half of the planet’s interior and is less dense and more liquid than they had expected. There goes any chance of a movie called “Journey to the Center of Mars.”
A huge acid-spraying “spider-scorpion” hybrid bug discovered by National Parks Service workers at the Chisos Basin campground in the Big Bend National Park in Texas is actually a vinegaroon, which is a type of whip scorpion that is harmless to humans but a voracious consumer of millipedes, other scorpions, cockroaches and other invertebrates. Don’t look now but there’s one on your shoulder.
For the first time ever, scientists have identified a ring of gas and dust circling a planet outside our solar system – Jupiter-sized PDS 70c that is orbiting the star PDS 70 nearly 400 light years from Earth – that is slowly forming one or more moons around the exoplanet. Needless to say, astronomers are having moonage daydreams, oh yeah.
A team of researchers studying the stomach contents of Tollund Man – the well-preserved mummified corpse found in a bog on the Jutland peninsula in 1950 – report his last meal before he was hanged 2,000 years ago in a possible human-sacrifice ritual was barley porridge, flax, seeds, and a small portion of fish. Legend has it his last words were, “Barley porridge and fish? Just kill me!”
Good news for electric vehicle owners and those who have hesitated to buy one – a new study found that over the life cycle of an EV, from mining the materials needed to build it to disposing of its components at the vehicle’s end, it will release fewer greenhouse gas emissions than a gas-powered car, even in countries still using coal-powered electric plants. That cloud passing over the U.S. is not from wildfires or cars – Elon Musk just lit up a celebratory doobie.
If you’ve ever wondered which side would win in a battle between chimpanzees and gorillas, the surprise answer from researchers at the Loango Chimpanzee Project in Gabon is the chimps, as they watched a “coalition” of them organize and then attack small groups of silverback gorillas, chase away the adults and kill their young. Time for a ‘Planet of the Apes’ sequel with no humans?
A new study on brain-computer interfaces technology predicts that very soon corporations will be able to mine your emotions for marketing purposes, download video games pipe into your mind, give you a new identity, and get you addicted to your brain chip’s power so you crave more. We’re well on our way from the ‘Manchurian Candidate’ to ‘The Manchurian Couch Potatoes’.
NASA Administrator Bill Nelson says the organization is looking “very, very aggressively” for signs of life on moons in our solar system and if it gets “any kind of message of intelligent life, then I’m going to suggest our scientists try to make contact with it.” Sounds like Nelson’s ultimate goal is to turn NASA into The United Federation of Planets with him at the head.
CIA Director William Burns has named an undercover agent from the agency’s hunt for Osama bin Laden, an agent who is still working undercover and not identified, to head a task force aimed at finding the cause of the Havana syndrome – the unexplained brain-related health incidents suffered by U.S. spies and diplomats and other around the world. Those behind the Havana syndrome better get ready for Agent Double-O-Sh-t.
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