Mysterious News Briefly — April 8, 2021

Scientists at Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz have developed a tattoo using color-stable gold nanoparticles which act as implantable sensors that can monitor concentrations of drugs in the bloodstream over for several months. This could prove the theory that breaking up with the person whose name formed the tattoo increases drug concentrations.

Astronomers using NASA’s Spitzer Space Telescope have identified the three fastest-spinning brown dwarfs ever found – they rotate about once per hour at a speed of more than 60 miles per second (100 km per second), or about 220,000 miles per hour (360,000 km per hour). The data is now being studied by baseball pitchers looking for an edge.

In South Korea, Korea Hydro & Nuclear Power Co.’s Hanul No. 1 and No. 2 reactors are being shut down by sea salps – tiny gelatinous marine organisms that look like jellyfish, can clog up water intake valves, and are mysteriously increasing in numbers. Can they convince Koreans sea salps taste good with kimchee?

From the “Duh!” file comes the news that a study of mice eating a Western, junk food diet during the early stages of life developed worsened anxiety, poor memory function, an increase in addiction-like behaviors and a decrease in social behaviors. Could this explain why a certain golden-arched restaurant still has to post its menu and ask if you want fries?

A kitten found by the Nashville Cat Rescue whose face is half black and half ginger may actually be a chimera formed when two embryos fuse together in the womb, creating a single animal with two sets of DNA. It could be worth a fortune if one side says “Me” and the other side says “Ow.”

The mysterious, 1,400-year-old monuments and temples of Tiahuanaco near Lake Titicaca that are made with H-shaped blocks that would have been impossible to form with the tools of the time have finally been explained – they’re actually made of sand bound together with organo-mineral binders, bat droppings, and other ingredients to produce andesite geopolymer blocks. The “H” must have stood for “Holy cow – these bat droppings are sticky!”

A mysterious fetus found hidden in a casket with the mummified body of a 17th century Bishop Peder Pedersen Winstrup of the Churches of Sweden and Denmark has finally been identified by DNA analysis as being the bishop’s grandson, the child of his son. That sudden mysterious wind may be due to sighs of relief from the afterlife.

On the “Real Housewives of Dallas,” the ladies go hunting for Bigfoot with local Bigfoot hunter and alleged witness Charles Benton, who unfortunately is unable to find one for them nor convince them Sasquatch exists. Bigfoot is probably holding out for its own show, like “Keeping Up With The Sasquatchians.”

Physicists at Fermilab shot a muon – a tiny subatomic particle that resembles a heavy electron – through an intense magnetic field and it wobbled, which is against the laws of physics and could indicate that there are forms of matter and energy vital to the nature and evolution of the cosmos that are not yet known to science. Or perhaps magnetic fields are like booze for muons – more tests are needed.

A movie based on the History Channel’s long-running TV show “Ancient Aliens” is in the works and is being described as “a two-handed, globe-spanning adventure featuring ancient sites and artifacts, confronting the theories and questions raised by the popular docuseries.” Better grease up the old meme-generator.

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