Mysterious News Briefly — March 17, 2021

Those mini-brains scientists have been creating can now cry mini tears for their missing mini bodies — Dutch researchers using stem cells have grown miniature human tear glands capable of “crying” that could someday be implanted in people with non-functioning tear glands. Did they create a mini-mini violin to play along with the mini  crying?

The Turkish company Centauri Honey set a Guinness World Record for the world’s most expensive honey with a medicinal variety harvested once-a-year from a cave more than 8,000 feet above sea level that sold for over $5,400 per pound. That faint sound you hear is bees slow-clapping.

A team of scientists led by Nanyang Technological University, Singapore (NTU Singapore) has developed a plant communication device by attaching a conductive electrode to a Venus flytrap plant and using it to pick up electrical signals to monitor how the plant responds to its environment and transmit electrical signals to the plant to cause it to close its leaves. If Seymour Krelborn were alive today, he’d say, “What could possibly go wrong?”

The price of powerful micro-supercapacitors may drop substantially after researchers from Penn State and the University of Electronic Science and Technology of China figured out a way to replace expensive materials used in electrodes with cheap and plentiful tin, which works well at a low cost and is recyclable. “What will we use for foil now?” asked your great-grandparents.

For the first time, researchers at Duke University’s Duke Lemur Center created a special habitat to induce fat-tailed dwarf lemurs to enter true deep hibernation for a full seven months while in captivity. We saw the Fat-Tail Dwarf Lemurs open for The Monkees.

Neanderthals keep getting smarter – a professor of archaeological science at the University of Oxford claims that carved artifacts show that Neanderthals helped influence early humans to create art. With their bigger brains, humans then went on to create refrigerators to hang the art on.

Researchers at UC Santa Barbara say the secret of the opalescent inshore squid (Doryteuthis opalescens) which can camouflage itself by changing its skin colors has been traced to a complex process which “dynamically [tunes] the color while simultaneously increasing the intensity of the reflected light”, allowing the opalescent squid to shimmer and flicker, sometimes with color and sometimes not. Is this further proof that there’s a master race of big-brained camouflaged octopus and squid hiding in the oceans controlling all other life forms? (Asking for a paranoid friend.)

The Old World Climbing Fern (Lygodium Microphyllum ) is a monster invasive plant that environmental experts say is more dangerous to Florida that the invasive Burmese pythons, so fire crews with the National Park Service have been igniting controlled fires in the Florida Everglades to fight them. “Try blanching or sauteing them in butter,” say experts from Louisiana.

A scientific team from the Institute for Advanced Study in New Jersey and Princeton University has proposed a model of a five-dimensional wormhole based on the string theory and resembling charged black holes of intermediate-mass that would allow humans to travel through space in milliseconds. All they need now is another team to develop a time machine to help them win the lottery to pay for it.

The deadly drug-resistant superbug Candida auris, which until now has only been seen in hospitals, was discovered recently on a remote beach on the Andaman Islands, a tropical archipelago between India and Myanmar, marking the first time it has been seen in the “wild.” We told you to cancel Spring Break this year.

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