Mysterious News Briefly — March 5, 2021

In an operation that sounds very similar to fixing a cracked windshield, Russian cosmonauts on the International Space Station drilled holes at both ends of the infamous air-leaking crack in the body of the Zvezda module, which they will then fill with a sticky filler before applying a patch. Also like a windshield repair – the cost doesn’t meet their insurance deductible.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently updated the Zombie Preparedness section on its website with new lesson plans for teachers on zombie preparedness and tips on supplies, backup power sources and first aid kits. Before following CDC Zombie Preparedness guidelines, check with your state’s governor.

Elon Musk may call it a success because his SpaceX Starship landed, but the explosion shortly after that was huge enough to be picked up by weather radar in Brownsville, Texas. Bad news, Elon – the forecast calls for more.

The University of Exeter and the Society for the Protection of Turtles (SPOT) Scientists used camera traps to discover previously unknown caves in Cypress that Mediterranean monk seal, the world’s rarest seals, are using as breeding sites. Maybe they’re so rare because they don’t like being watched during sex.

Two recent earthquakes in Utah have been linked not to tectonic shifts but to the Black Rock Desert volcanic field – an ancient volcanic system in Utah’s Sevier Desert that’s apparently still active. You know you’re not a popular state when no one seems to care about this news.

The Nicaraguan National Assembly legislature has passed a bill to establish a ‘National Ministry for Extraterrestrial Space Affairs, The Moon and Other Celestial Bodies’ to be run by the Nicaraguan army. Their first order of business is to procure wider office doors to handle that long name.

According to a new study, the unusual abundance of super-high-energy gamma rays shooting from the center of the Milky Way galaxy are the result of gravity portals where dark matter particles go in, obliterate each other and spit out the strong gamma rays. “Gravity portals” is also a good name for the stretchy waist and butt areas on your relaxed-fit jeans.

Recent UFOs over Las Vegas, Nevada, have been reported by hundreds of witnesses, many of whom don’t believe the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) response that the lights were “flares from the NW military ranges” in the Air Force airspace between Nellis AFB and Creech AFB northwest of Las Vegas. Meanwhile, the Vegas bookies have “aliens” ahead by three points.

Fish ecologists at the Australian Institute of Marine Science (AIMS) have discovered 11 midnight snappers off the coast of Broome, Australia, over the age of 60, including one that’s 81. Ironically, snappers get to be that age by not snapping.

Nine great apes — four orangutans and five bonobos — at the San Diego Zoo are the first non-human primates to receive two doses of an experimental COVID-19 vaccine developed by the veterinary pharmaceutical company Zoetis. The shots were not given to the Popa langur monkeys because they have masks.

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