Mysterious News Briefly — September 25, 2020
A new survey by the cybersecurity firm Kaspersky found that about 63% of Europeans would definitely consider becoming cyborgs. The rest are probably hoping to become Brexiborgs.
Egyptologists have determined that the millions of mummified ibis and birds of prey discovered in the necropolises of the Nile Valley were wild birds sacrificed to Egyptian gods. One wonders why, after centuries of not getting their wishes fulfilled, they didn’t switch to chickens.
Ring has unveiled the Always Home Cam – an autonomous drone that can fly around your home checking things out while you’re away, before returning to its base to recharge. Most people only need a regular cam pointed at their gas stove.
Ornithologists in the San Francisco Bay area found that the outdoor silence caused by the pandemic shutdown has changed the chirps and songs of male white-crowned sparrows to something softer. Fortunately, it hasn’t seemed to have the same effect on heavy metal singers … yet.
A new study forecasts that gene-editing technologies like CRISPR could lead to a 50% improvement in agricultural productivity in just 30 years by engineering crops to live longer (to reduce waste), cattle to reduce flatulence (reducing methane) and plants to capture carbon (reducing pollution). First they’ll need to gene-edit humans to stop asking “What could possibly go wrong?”.
NASA’s Orion spaceship team is working on a new Universal Waste Management System (UWMS) – a.k.a. toilet – which can manage the smell of four astronauts using it on a month-long mission to the Moon and back. This could pay for itself if they sell the design to college dorm builders.
A team of Harvard-Smithsonian astronomers are cautiously optimistic that they may have found the first exoplanet outside of the Milky Way galaxy – an object the size of Saturn orbiting a binary star in the M51 “Whirlpool Galaxy”. Refrigerators, stoves and other home appliances may also be cautiously optimistic.
The biotech firm that developed genetically engineered mosquitoes has now unveiled its genetically-modified fall armyworm caterpillar that is designed to kill its own eggs and save cornfields from destruction. This is 2020 – watch for one armyworm caterpillar to rise up against the man and lead millions of them to destroy CRISPR labs.
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